


Marauder's Love

by Sero_the_Writer



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: F/M, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-22
Updated: 2020-11-22
Packaged: 2021-03-10 05:55:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 11,598
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27668506
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sero_the_Writer/pseuds/Sero_the_Writer
Summary: The Marauders, they are the greatest, the height of coolness, inseparable. The love between Moony and Padfoot is strong, but will it survive the Dark era that is about to rise? Will the strong bond of friendship between the Marauders hold? As the four friends are brutally torn apart by the betrayal of Wormtail, only one is left, Moony, and the last spark of his love is almost lost, turned into pain. But then Padfoot, the one he had loved above all others, reappears, to be happy with Moony one more time, before joining his dead friend Prongs.
Relationships: James Potter/Lily Evans Potter, Sirius Black/Remus Lupin





	1. Coming Together, 1975/1976

**Author's Note:**

> I tried to make this one as canon as possible. That means there is no happy end. Hope you enjoy it nevertheless.  
> Originally published on fictionalley.org in 2007.  
> 

It was a fine autumn day sometime in October. Remus Lupin was sitting underneath a beech tree in the sunlit grounds, watching two of his best friends: James Potter and Sirius Black. They were standing in the middle of a circle of onlookers, having a go at Severus Snape. And although Remus did not like this behaviour, he did nothing to stop them. He was feeling too depressed. The full moon was approaching. Even though his friends knew about his being a werewolf, he was feeling lonely.  
His friends: what would he be without them? They were a gang of four, and they enjoyed much respect from the other students. But James and Sirius were something special even in this gang of four. They were the best friends and the most intelligent students currently at school. And they were also the worst trouble-makers of them all.

Remus got to his feet and picked up his bag. Then he made his way up to the castle. There was still some time before the afternoon classes, but he didn’t feel like staying in the grounds. He would see enough of them during the night.  
He entered an empty bathroom and looked at himself in the mirror. His hair was of a dirty blond he had never liked, and his nose was rather prominent. No wonder that next to Sirius and James, he didn’t get any attention. It hurt a bit to think about all the stares Sirius was getting from girls. Why were they staring at him like he was the only male in the universe? And Sirius did not even seem to notice. A sigh escaped Remus’s lips. He did not know why, but somehow he wished he could have a real best friend, someone with whom he could share everything, who understood him without words. And he couldn’t help feeling that this friend should be Sirius. But Sirius was best friends with James, and Remus knew they were inseparable. He lowered his head and wished he could have more time with Sirius alone.

He left the bathroom for his afternoon Transfiguration class. Some students were already queued in front of the classroom, including his three best friends. He approached them at the same time that Lily Evans and her friends appeared from the other side of the corridor. James’s hand immediately flew up to his unruly hair to make it even messier, and he did not seem to notice anything but Lily from that point on. Sirius turned and grinned at Remus, who felt his spirits rise.  
“Where did you go all of a sudden?” he asked.  
Remus shrugged. “Just off to the bathroom.”  
Sirius shot him a look but did not press the matter. His younger brother, Regulus, passed them in the corridor, completely ignoring Sirius. Remus saw a shadow pass over Sirius’s handsome features. He knew that Sirius had a hard time at home. His parents were quite obsessed with the pure-blood mania, and since Regulus was more in harmony with that point of view than Sirius he was much more welcome at home. But at least, Remus thought, Sirius was much nicer than his brother, and much better looking, too.

After dinner Remus did not return to the common room. With sinking spirits he bade good-bye to his friends in the Great Hall and left to meet Madam Pomfrey in the Entrance Hall. She always led him out of the castle at the full moon. Remus walked beside her, his head hanging low. Transformation was not pleasant: to feel how he lost control, how his soul was pushed aside by the wolfish character, to watch how he transformed into the monster that was living inside him all the time.  
They walked past the greenhouses towards the Whomping Willow, where he picked up a stick to stop the tree attacking him with its branches. Then, without so much as a backwards glance, he vanished into a small hole at the roots of the tree and set off along the passageway behind it.  
He should be grateful, he kept reminding himself whenever he walked along this passage, that he could be here at all. No other headmaster would have allowed a werewolf to attend the school. But it was still hard and painful to transform and Remus wished to have some distraction from the pain in the gloomy hut.

The transformation that night was as bad as any other night, but halfway through it, Remus got the distraction he so longed for.  
A great black dog appeared in the Shrieking Shack. Remus dropped the chair that he had just been ripping apart and stared at the newcomer. He could tell it was no ordinary dog. It wagged its tail and came up to Remus, who growled at it at first. But with the means of communication that animals have, the dog told him he was a friend. Remus let him approach. As they sniffed each other, realisation hit him. The dog was Sirius! How could that be? But the dog told him that he was right, and after he had barked once, a stag appeared in the doorway, accompanied by a rat. He sniffed the stag, too, and found that it was James. Then the rat had to be… Peter! No! How could that be? His friends had been hinting that something was going to change soon, but Remus never thought it would be anything like this.  
As the night went on, Remus found he felt less wolfish in the company of his friends. He remained in the body of a werewolf, but no longer was his soul so roughly pushed aside, no longer was he a monster. He was with his best friends, they were equals again, all of them having transformed into animal form, but still being their human selves. All in all, it turned out to be one of the best nights Remus had ever had.  
They re-transformed at dawn, and crept back to the castle under James’s Invisibility Cloak. Madam Pomfrey was waiting for him; not knowing that he had been in company during the night.

They talked it all over the following day, and Remus was impressed by what his friends had done to help him. Turning into an Animagus was very difficult, and Peter had needed all the help he could get from Sirius and James. But for Remus it was more than he had ever dreamed of. He was delighted at the prospect of never having to endure a lonely transformation again, and that very effectively raised his spirits.

~*~

Remus was sitting in the common room alone late one night. Peter had gone to bed, and Sirius and James were spending a detention together. As he thought about that, a grim look appeared on his face. Admittedly, James and Sirius were the best students in the school, and he was immensely thankful for what they had done for him, but he still didn’t like their bullying behaviour. He sometimes wondered why they were still so popular. Maybe it was because most of their victims were Slytherins, eternally hated by Gryffindors and by parts of the other houses as well. And then there was the fact that Severus and James hated each other, and most people would rather side with James than Severus. Remus had no trouble imagining why.  
His thoughts were interrupted by James and Sirius’s return. They were both laughing about a good joke, and Remus saw James’s eyes flicker through the common room once. After seeing that they were quite alone his smile slipped a little and he said good night shortly afterwards.  
Sirius sat down opposite Remus and gave his friend a piercing look. Remus felt slightly uncomfortable, and lowered his eyes to the Transfiguration essay he still had to finish. It was an awkward situation – some sort of tension seemed to have sprung up between them. He decided to break the silence. There should be nothing awkward about two friends sitting together late at night.  
“How was detention?”  
“Nothing special. We just made Filch really upset when we tried to question him about his private life. But there was nothing really interesting there, boring bloke.”  
“I guess he loves imagining himself reintroducing the old punishments.”  
“Yeah, or talks to Mrs. Norris about how bad the world is.”  
Remus joined in Sirius’s laughter. They looked at each other across the table. Silence fell. Remus was just about to turn back to his essay when Sirius spoke again.  
“Would you come out for a walk with me?”  
“Sirius… it’s the middle of the night. You surely can’t hope to get out undetected?”  
“Oh, come on, Remus. You’re a Prefect, nobody will dare tell you off, and I can transform into the dog. I’m quicker out of sight that way.”  
“I don’t know…”  
“Come on, please? I’d really like to be out with you now.”  
Remus looked at Sirius and considered it. After all, he had been wanting to spent more time alone with Sirius. And this looked like a good chance.  
“All right then, I’ll come.”  
Sirius grinned at him, got to his feet, and transformed into the great black dog before they left through the portrait hole.

Out in the grounds, Sirius transformed back and they walked towards the lake, a soft breeze ruffling their hair. Neither of them said anything. They stopped behind a bush at the edge of the lake, and Sirius stared out at the water.  
“Remus, there’s something I feel like talking to you about.”  
Remus turned to look at his friend. Sirius’s handsome face looked rather troubled. He gave a nervous laugh. Remus wondered what was troubling him; he had never seen Sirius nervous or uncertain before.  
“You know that James is my best friend. He is one of the most important people in my life.”  
Remus felt his spirits sinking. He knew that he could not possibly take James’s place at Sirius’s side, no matter how much he dreamed about it.  
“But the way I feel about you is different.”  
Of course, Remus thought.  
“Although no less intense. In a way even more.”  
What did Sirius want to tell him?  
“I… I just want you to know… to know that… ah, damn it!” Sirius swore.  
He turned, seized Remus’s head and kissed him fiercely. After the initial shock, Remus gave in to the kiss, realising what his feelings for Sirius had meant all along.  
When they broke apart, Sirius lowered his gaze.  
“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to…”  
“It’s okay Sirius. I think I feel that way, too.”  
Sirius raised his head.  
“Really?”  
“Yeah, really. Although I never really realised it until now. I always thought I wanted the kind of closeness you have with James. I thought I was jealous because of him.”  
“But this is different. I want you to understand that.”  
“I know, I don’t think you and James ever snogged.”  
Sirius’s grin was short-lived.  
“So you don’t mind? You don’t think I’m disgusting?”  
“Of course not, I kissed you back, didn’t I?”  
“Yeah… but you have to understand that we can’t be open with that.”  
“I know, it’s like being a werewolf.”  
“Exactly. I’m definitely going to tell James about it. He might even suspect it – he’s my best friend and nobody knows me better than he does.”  
“Sure. But I think then we should tell Peter, too.”  
“Yeah, you’re right, we better do.”  
With that Sirius stepped closer to Remus again and hugged him.  
“Sometimes I wonder why it has to happen to me. Why I can’t be normal?”  
“But it’s wonderful,” Remus protested. Unlike being a werewolf.  
“Yeah, it is,” sighed Sirius, and pulled Remus into another kiss.

The four friends were sitting together in the common room the next evening. All the other students had already gone to bed. Sirius sat next to James, not quite managing to keep the nervousness out of his eyes. James turned to look at his best friend.  
“You’ve been acting odd lately.”  
Sirius said nothing, and so James took closer look.  
“You’re nervous! Why?”  
Remus looked over at Sirius. James did not take his eyes off Sirius.  
“Is it because of Remus?”  
Sirius looked up, and then slowly nodded.  
James turned his head to look at Remus.  
“Are you in love then?”  
Remus cast Sirius one more glance before nodding. Out of the corner of his eyes, he saw Peter’s mouth hanging open. James leant back with a satisfied expression.  
“I knew it.”  
“How?” Sirius asked him.  
“Well mate, it was kind of obvious. You were getting all the stares from the girls, but you never cared. I would be so happy if I got half the attention from Lily that you’re getting from almost every girl in the school, but you didn’t seem to even notice. And then I saw you looking at Remus when you thought nobody was looking.”  
Peter finally moved his mouth to speak, too.  
“So you’re okay with it, James?”  
“Of course! For one thing, I’m glad that they’re happily in love with each other. They both deserve it, with the otherwise difficult time they’re having. And of course I’m a bit relieved that my best friend fell for another good friend, because I don’t have to fear he’ll fall for me at some point. And it’s even better that it’s Remus, because it all stays between us four.”  
“But you’ve got to understand that we have to keep it quiet”, Sirius said. “As quiet as Remus’s secret about being a werewolf. If anything like that reaches the ears of my family…”  
“Of course. I’m not as stupid as I look,” James retorted and they roared with laughter.  
“We need your word. Yours, too, Peter,” Remus insisted.  
“You have it,” James said at once.  
They all turned to look at Peter.  
“You have it,” he repeated.

The next months were the best yet in Remus’s life. He was together with Sirius. And though they couldn’t show it during the day, the nights were even better when Sirius shared his bed (after casting the Muffliato spell on the other boys in their dormitory). Sirius’s body felt smooth under the touch of his hands, and he loved the feeling of his muscles when they made love.

The nights were the best part of his life anyway. During his transformations, he now left the Shrieking Shack with his friends at his side. Sirius and James could control him if he got too close to human flesh. But the risk was low, the grounds were deserted at night, and they found out how many possibilities were suddenly open to them. They started roaming the grounds and even the village of Hogsmeade. They discovered secrets of the area they doubted any other student had ever found out. They made a joke of giving each other nicknames that were somehow related to the animal into which each of them transformed. Remus was Moony, Sirius was Padfoot, James was Prongs and Peter was Wormtail.

~*~

As the Christmas holidays were approaching, Remus could feel Sirius’s spirits sinking. He thought about what he would feel like if he had to return to such a home and could quite understand Sirius. The three of them were doing the best they could to cheer him up.  
“Just think about what we’re going to do under January’s full moon, Padfoot.” James said.  
“Yeah, remember that you will be able to leave them soon,” Remus told him.  
Peter tried his luck. “Think about us, then you’ll keep in mind that there’re also decent people in the world.”  
But nothing they said seemed to have any effect.  
“I know, I know. But I will miss you,” Sirius said with sad eyes. And he cast a piercing look in Remus’s direction meant to express especially you.  
James tried again. “Maybe you can get away from there after Christmas.”  
“Yeah, maybe. I can try, but I don’t think my mother will let me.”  
It was a rather moody group on the Hogwarts Express back to London, where they all bade good bye to each other.

Although Remus was looking forward to seeing his family again he knew he would miss Sirius terribly during the next two weeks. And indeed, he found he had never known time to move so slowly. He had not told his parents about himself and Sirius, so they assumed he was unhappily in love with a girl. His mother especially took care of him. She seemed to think Remus was afraid of getting involved with that girl because he was a werewolf. So she encouraged Remus to tell the girl: after all, his best friends already knew, and had stayed. He had told his parents that Sirius, James and Peter knew about his condition, but he hadn't confided in them that his friends had become Animagi for him.

A couple of days before the end of the holidays Remus received a letter from Sirius. He took it, his heart beating fast with excitement, and tore it open.

_Dear Moony!  
Guess what? I’ve finally left my home and am currently staying at Prongs’s place.  
I just couldn’t stand it any more. Christmas was as bad as ever with all our closer relatives being here, going on about ‘the noble and most ancient house of Black’. My mother was especially terrible, she’s so proud of Regulus. But instead of ignoring me, as she usually does, she kept making out I’m the shame of the family. The only one who had any sympathy for me was my uncle Alphard. Well, after Christmas was over, I asked – as Prongs had suggested – if I could leave to see a good friend of mine. Along with other things, it caused an uproar of the sort I have never seen, and in the middle of it I just lost my nerve, packed my stuff and left.  
So as I said, right now I’m staying at Prongs’s place. Try to come over, too. We can have a really good time here, without having to hide all day. And Wormtail said he’ll come, too. He’ll be here tomorrow.  
Hoping to see you soon,  
In love,  
Padfoot_

This cheered Remus up more than anything. He hurried to ask his parents if he could leave, and when they agreed, he replied to Sirius's letter, telling him he would arrive that very day.

The rest of the Christmas holidays turned out to be a really good time. Remus’s life became more focused on the daytime than when he was at Hogwarts. Although Mr. and Mrs. Potter did not know about his love-relationship with Sirius, the boys could be reasonably open, because James’s parents left them alone most of the time.  
Much too soon, it was time to go back to Hogwarts, and Remus thought about how time was always making a fool of him, either going far too slowly, or passing by so quickly he didn’t even notice.  
But on the plus side, Sirius seemed much more cheerful at the prospect of finally having abandoned his house in London forever. He would still be seeing his brother at Hogwarts, of course, but since they heartily disliked each other and hardly talked to each other anyway that was nothing to worry about. Remus quietly admired Sirius for handling his life all by himself, without anyone looking after him; he was not sure if he would be able to do so yet. But then, Sirius had learned to look out for himself quite early when his parents’ dislike had become obvious.

~*~

Back at Hogwarts, Remus resumed his night life once more. He still did not like Sirius and James’s behaviour of bullying others, especially Severus. But he was far too fond of them both to try to do anything to stop them. Together with Peter they were the best part of his life at Hogwarts. So all he did was tell them of his disapproval one day during breakfast in the Great Hall.  
“Well, take it the way you want, Moony, but I won’t stop on Snivellus as long as he’s around. And you know perfectly well why,” James told him straight away.  
“Nor will I, the stiff, slimy git,” said Sirius with an almost doglike growl.  
James snorted into his cereal.  
“Stiff?” he repeated amused and shot Sirius and Remus significant glances.  
Sirius seemed rather relaxed about James’s remark and joined in with James’s laughter. At first Remus was astounded, then he remembered that since Sirius had run away from home he was bound to be a bit more easy with public hints to their relationship.  
Come to think of it, he might not have any objections any more to a bit more openness during the day.

They talked it over that night in Sirius’s bed.  
“Padfoot?”  
“Hmm…”  
“I thought, today, when Prongs laughed about stiff, that since you ran away from home we might be a bit more open about our relationship during the day, don’t you think so?”  
“We could, Moony, but I don’t think I like snogging in public. I mean, it’s private, it’s no one else’s business what we do.”  
“So you don’t want to be open in public? You don’t want to stand by our relationship in front of other people?”  
“It’s not that. We can hold hands or hug each other during the day, you’re right about that. But I don’t like acting the way we did at the Potters’, because here there are so many more people around.”  
“But what’s your problem with it? Everyone else does it!”  
“A lot of couples do it, that’s right. But I don’t like their behaviour either. I don’t have to watch that, and I don’t want people to watch me when I’m doing it.”  
“You wouldn’t even do it for me? Be a bit more open about us?”  
“Of course I would do it. And I will. As I said, holding hands or hugging should really be no problem from now on. But can’t you refrain from kissing me in public? Wouldn’t you do that for me? I’ll be a bit more open for you now that I’ve run away from home, but in return I’d like you to not do anything more when others are around.”  
“Well, I suppose that’s okay then,” Remus conceded. “But can’t I even give you a kiss on the cheek?”  
Sirius silently laughed at this point.  
“You can. I love seeing you being so much in love with me.”  
And with that he pulled Remus closer and started running his hands up and down his scarred body, kissing him fiercely.

So from then on they started being a bit more open, giving each other significant looks, small kisses on the cheek for greeting, and stayed closer together when they sat down somewhere with James and Peter.  
Life could have been really cool if not for the fact that their OWLs were getting closer all the time. Especially for Remus and Peter, that meant an increase in work. Sirius and James were so good they hardly studied at all, but still outshone every other student. This resulted in their being bored, and they ended up in detention more frequently.

One afternoon during the Easter holidays they sat all together underneath their favourite beech tree in the grounds, Remus and Peter both with schoolbooks, and James with the Golden Snitch he had stolen from the Hogwarts Quidditch supply. It was the day after the full moon and they had enjoyed a rather spectacular night out in the grounds, of which they by now knew every corner.  
“Padfoot and I had an idea,” James said suddenly.  
Remus and Peter looked from him to Sirius.  
“Since we know so much about the grounds and the castle itself, how would it be to write a map with all our knowledge, to save it for future generations?”  
“We don’t want any ordinary map, we want a map of Hogwarts where you can not only see all the secret passageways, but also the people currently moving in the area that is shown on the map, labelled with their names, so that any wrongdoer can immediately know when Filch approaches,” Sirius added.  
“Cool,” said Peter at once, awe on his face.  
“I’m definitely in,” agreed Remus.  
For that he got a wink from a grinning Sirius.

So they created what they called the Marauder’s Map and signed it with their nicknames. But before they could enjoy the full benefit of the Map, Filch caught Sirius and James with it and confiscated it. They had been walking through the castle, not using the map, when he approached them and demanded that they turn out their pockets. Then he made up some argument about this being a forbidden magical object, as was detailed on the list in his office. Since nobody ever bothered checking that list, they could not contradict him and had to hand over the map.  
“Never mind, we know the grounds by heart anyway. And we don’t really need to know if someone’s around if we’re under my Invisibility Cloak,” James assured them.  
“Yeah, but I’d have loved for future students of the school to know about the map. Would’ve caused Filch quite a lot of brain racking why he can never catch any troublemakers,” Sirius argued.  
“Maybe someone will be smart enough to nick it back from Filch and find out how it works. This way we know for sure the only ones that are ever going to use it really deserve it,” James replied.  
So they continued their monthly wanderings without the Marauder’s map and, just as James had predicted, they always managed to stay undetected under his Invisibility Cloak.

~*~

One evening James and Remus sat alone under their favourite beech tree. Sirius was in detention and Peter had remained in the library. James was playing with the Snitch while Remus revised Defence Against the Dark Arts.  
“Come on, Moony, put that book away. As though you really need to learn that stuff.”  
“You know perfectly well that I do. You might not need to bother, Prongs, but I’ll need the best marks I can get. I’ll have a hard enough time finding a job as it is.”  
James cast him a sideways look before saying,  
“Sure, but you don’t have to study at this precise moment, do you? You could put that book away and have some fun with me.”  
Remus’s eyes travelled over the nearby students. Severus was not among them. James, seeing this, merely laughed.  
“Moony, you know I can have fun without dear old Snivellus. I’d be better off without him anyway.”  
“Well, why don’t you just ignore him then?”  
“Because he won’t leave me alone either. If I did nothing, I’d be in the hospital wing sooner than you can say 'stop'. Anyway, I’ll never stop fighting the Dark Arts and those who practise them. And don’t you try your luck with me just because you failed with Padfoot,” James said grinning. He knew perfectly well that Severus was a cause for disagreement between Remus and Sirius.  
“Ah, speak of the devil…,” James pointed towards the castle.  
Sirius had just appeared on the steps and was now heading towards them. Remus felt his stomach lurch. Sirius collapsed on the floor next to him and pecked him on the cheek. Remus’s spirits rose. Who cared about Severus?  
“I just ran into old Snivellus,” Sirius informed his friends.  
“Ha!” said James.  
“Yeah, he’s always sneaking around, trying to find out what we’re up to, so he can run off and tell a teacher.”  
“But we’re much too clever and much too quick for him, aren’t we, Padfoot, mate?”  
“Sure, Prongs. But he still doesn’t give up, he’s so annoyingly persistent. It’s pissing me off. He’s recently latched onto our disappearing once a month, and is desperate to find out where we’re going and what we’re doing.”  
“You didn’t tell him?” Remus asked, shocked.  
“Of course not, Moony, I’m not stupid, I thought you know that,” Sirius grinned. “I merely said that if he wants to find out all he has to do is push the knot of roots under the Whomping Willow and get into that passageway at the full moon.”  
Remus gasped. “I thought you just said you’re not stupid.”  
“Come on, Moony, that’ll put old Snivellus off us forever. And besides it’ll be quite a good bit of fun, don’t you think so, Prongs?”  
Remus fully expected James to support his best friend, but he was surprised to find a frown on his face.  
“Padfoot, you… you could kill him. I hate him, but I’d never sink so low as to actually try to kill him. That’s the kind of thing he’d do!”  
“Well if he gets killed, it just serves him right, stupid slimy idiot, sneaking around and trying to get us into trouble.”  
“You’ll get us into trouble, Padfoot, especially Moony. Imagine if he killed Snivellus, how do you think he’d feel, not to speak of the consequences?”  
“You just don’t get it, do you? Go ahead, then, and live with him for the next few years and for the rest of your life, but I’ll make him shut up if I can! The world’s better off without him.”  
And with that Sirius rose and walked back towards the castle. James remained sitting with a worried expression.  
“I have to do something. If he isn’t brought to his senses he might get us all into serious trouble. And the full moon is only a couple of nights away. Couldn’t you try to talk to him, Moony? I mean, he loves you above all, and you’ll be the one facing the hardest consequences if his plan succeeds.”  
“I know, but you know that Severus was always something we disagreed about.”  
“Yeah, but please try it?”  
Remus had never heard James plead before. He must be really serious about it, and he, Remus, had thought James would join in on the idea. After all, James seemed to be a bit more sensible than his adventure-loving friend.

Sirius blocked each attempt of Remus to talk to him about Severus, and Remus was too afraid to provoke him into something even more foolhardy if he started a row to press the matter.  
So he resigned and decided to make a counter-plan with James and Peter. They met in the common room one night when Sirius was in detention again.  
“Okay,” said James, rubbing his forehead with both hands, “okay, so you’ll just go to the Shrieking Shack with Madam Pomfrey as usual, Moony. But by all means, don’t leave it while you’re transformed! And don’t expect us to turn up during that night. Wormtail, you stay here, it’s not safe with Snivellus around. He must not know that we’re Animagi. We’ll be in even more trouble than Moony if Snivellus finds out about us transforming. I’ll stick with Padfoot, see what he’s up to, and keep an eye on Snivellus, too. If he really gets into that passageway I’ll follow him and bring him back. I’ll transform to save him if necessary.”  
“Prongs, that’s dangerous. I’m not myself when I’m transformed. And if you have to transform before Severus’s eyes… you know what you’re facing then, don’t you? Unregistered Animagi, that’ll end you up in Azkaban for sure. And then the Ministry will start with investigations at Hogwarts. You could ruin your own life as well as that of your friends. You can by no means enter that passageway with Severus around, neither in your human form, nor as a stag!”  
“Moony, I’m not going to watch someone being killed because of my best friend. Padfoot is not a murderer. His sense of fun is just a bit extravagant. I say it one last time, I’ll enter that passageway if necessary.”  
“You can’t be serious! Either you get killed then, or you’ll spend a good time of your life in Azkaban, that’s too much for the sake of Padfoot!”  
“You’re supposed to be the one who loves him, Moony. And Padfoot or not, I’m not going to watch someone getting killed, not even Snivellus, when I can prevent it! You underestimate me, Moony. Don’t worry about me tonight, I’ll be fine.”  
“Fine then, go ahead and risk your life acting the hero. I'll make sure that it’s mentioned at your funeral, that you killed yourself with your saving-people-thing!”  
James gave him a sneer, got up, and left the common room.

It was with a feeling of foreboding that Remus went through the grounds with Madam Pomfrey that evening, though he was careful not to let her see his worries.  
His transformation was as bad as it had been before his friends had appeared at his side in animal form. He did not see a single living soul throughout the night, and over his own screams and roars he was unable to hear anything that might have told him what was going on at the other end of the tunnel. His heart felt lighter when he returned at dawn. Maybe James’s plan had worked. But Madam Pomfrey was welcoming him with an unusual pale face. Remus’s heart sank again as she guided him, not to the Gryffindor common room, but to Dumbledore’s office. She did not say a word to him. Did she know what he had been doing with his friends during the other nights, or was she just in shock?

She left him in front of Dumbledore’s office, and Remus entered with a tight feeling in his stomach. Inside sat James, Sirius and Severus, all of them with unreadable expressions.  
“Ah, good morning, Mr. Lupin,” Dumbledore welcomed him and gestured for him to sit down next to Sirius.  
“Well, you might not know about it yet, but we had a near-fatal accident during the night. Mr. Snape, you see, was curious to know where you disappeared to once a month. And unfortunately, Mr. Black let slip your nightly whereabouts to him. So naturally, Mr. Snape set off after you the first chance he got, which happened to be tonight. Luckily Mr. Potter heard where he had gone and went after him to protect him from any harm.”  
At this Remus thought he saw James’s expression flicker the slightest bit, but he had gained control over himself before Remus could be sure.  
“But Mr. Potter was too late. Mr. Snape had already entered the passageway in question. So at brave risk of his own life, Mr. Potter followed him and pulled him back outside. It so happens that Mr. Snape was able to see you at the end of the tunnel. So he now knows about your secret.”  
Remus felt cold dread running through his veins all of a sudden. Would he now be asked to leave Hogwarts?  
“However, he has given me his word that he will not tell a single soul what he has seen tonight. So, after all, no harm has been done. But still, I shall take fifty points from Gryffindor and ask Mr. Black to spend detention with me tonight and tomorrow night to think over his adventure-seeking side, which nearly ended fatally tonight, not to mention with huge consequences for two of his closest friends.”  
Dumbledore’s eyes bored into Remus’s for a second, seemed to X-ray him and left behind only one feeling: He knows! He knows Sirius and I are in love with each other! Remus knew that the wizarding world was not much more tolerant than the muggle world where gays were concerned. On the other hand, Dumbledore had not only been tolerant, but accepting of his being a werewolf. Maybe he would be accepting of him being gay, too. But before Remus had time to ponder that, Dumbledore continued and to Remus's relief, he said nothing on the subject of being gay.  
“On the other hand, I’ll reward Mr. Potter with fifty points for what he has done to prevent harm.”  
He paused to look at them all.  
“You may go now, all of you.”  
They rose in unison and left Dumbledore’s office.

Back in the common room Sirius turned to his two friends.  
“I owe you an apology. What I did was not correct. I endangered your life, Prongs. And I could’ve made you a killer, Moony. You were right all along: Snivellus is not worth that. I do not ask you to forgive me, but know that I’ll always be there for you.”  
With that he turned and started walking towards the boys’ dormitories, his head hanging low. James and Remus looked at each other once before calling him back.  
“Don’t be stupid, Padfoot,” James called. “Of course I forgive you! Even if something worse had happened I would. You’re my best mate and I know your soul isn’t Dark. Everyone makes mistakes and I’m not clean either. I let a werewolf out of his hiding place once a month!”  
Sirius approached him, grinning broadly. When only a foot separated them he threw himself into James’s arms and embraced him hugely. James grinned and clapped him on the shoulder before stepping back. Sirius turned his head towards Remus, though he did not move.  
“Padfoot… I cannot pretend that I’m not shocked with what you seem capable of. But it turned out all right and you admit you were acting foolish. And I love you way too much not to forgive you.” Remus's voice broke on these last words. He stepped over the distance between them, hugged Sirius and kissed him. Then he stepped back and stroked his cheek.  
“Just promise me you won’t do such a foolish thing again.”  
Sirius grinned at him. “I promise that I’ll try.”  
And together they left for the dormitory to get some sleep before lessons started.

~*~

The weeks passed by and soon their OWLs were upon them. James and Sirius did well in every subject with an almost elegant ease. Remus did quite well, too, though he had to study much harder than his two friends. The only one having serious trouble was Peter. Once the examinations were over they enjoyed a truly wonderful time. Being freed from homework, they spent almost everyday in the grounds under their favourite beech tree, dozing in the sun, so that they’d be wide awake during the night, which they usually spent out in the grounds, at times in their animal forms, at times in their human forms.  
The only times Remus actually saw a bed was when he was sharing it with Sirius after they had left their two friends to spend some time together.

Much too soon the term was over and they were on the Hogwarts Express back to London. Sirius would be staying at James’s place during the holidays and they made arrangements to meet up there as soon as possible. The ride was joyful; the four of them shared one compartment and Remus sat cuddled against Sirius. To hear his slow breath and feel his heartbeat filled him with peace, although he knew how terribly he would miss that in one day’s time.  
They bade good-bye to Peter at the station, and then Remus followed Sirius into the shade of a pillar.  
“Moony,… this year with you has been wonderful.”  
“This whole year has been wonderful, with you and the others becoming Animagi, you finally being free from your family and us being together.”  
“Yeah, you’re right. But what I wanted to say is… I’ll miss you. Please come as soon as you can.”  
“I will, I promise. Maybe you can even come around my house for some days this summer.”  
“Yeah, that’d be great. I’d like to see your family.”  
“Only, when you’re there, be careful, because I don’t want them to know about us. Not yet, at least.”  
“I understand, I will be careful, I promise. I’ll send you an owl.”  
He leaned forwards and kissed Remus full on the lips, in the midst of a full platform. Then he turned and walked back to James. Remus waved at James and left the platform, thinking about the happy summer ahead, and the many, hopefully no less happy years after that.


	2. Falling Apart, 1981 & 1993 - 1996

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The dialogue in the Shrieking Shack is taken from Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban, copyrighted by J.K. Rowling.

Years later, Remus Lupin stood at the graves of one of his best friends and his wife. He couldn’t believe what had happened. All around him people were celebrating the end of the Dark era. It seemed as though he was the only one left out, the only one who could never be happy again. As the truth began to sink in and tears started falling down his cheeks, Remus remembered:

They had been so happy together. With their new-found identity as the Marauders, they felt like the kings of school.  
Some time during their sixth year, Sirius and James even stopped with their bullying behaviour. Remus knew that James and Severus still loathed each other deeply – a hatred that had, absurdly, only increased through James's having saved Severus’s life that night in their fifth year – and that they did not miss an opportunity to hex each other. But James and Sirius no longer tormented Severus in front of the whole school.  
And so it happened that for once in history no old prefect was chosen as Head Boy, but James Potter, who fully deserved it, alongside with Lily Evans. That seemed to finally make Lily realise that James was no longer a “bullying toe rag” as she had always put it, and they started going out together a short time into their final year at Hogwarts. Remus could not remember ever having seen James happier. He was truly happy that his friend had finally found love, too, after Sirius and Remus had been experiencing it for two years at that time.  
As Sirius turned seventeen and with that came of age, he got a place for himself, in which the four of them met up during school holidays. This opportunity gave their lives and friendship yet another quality.

Despite things having turned out well for them, Dark things happened in the wizarding world while they were at Hogwarts. A Dark wizard had risen to power and assembled supporters around him. The war against Lord Voldemort was in full swing. You couldn’t know whom to trust any more. The only organised resistance was around Dumbledore, who founded the Order of the Phoenix, which all of them entered once having graduated at Hogwarts. But not even the members could be sure that none of the others was a double-agent.  
Still, there were also happy things taking place in the middle of the war, like Lily and James’s wedding and later the birth of their son, Harry. And above everything, the lasting love between Remus and Sirius and the strong bonds of friendship among the Marauders.

But the more witches and wizards went over to the Dark side, the more the pressure rose on the four Marauders. They could be almost sure that one of them had turned spy, and started suspecting each other. Even Sirius and Remus were affected by that, though they remained together as a couple.  
Then Lily and James had to go into hiding with their son, because they got a tip-off from Dumbledore that Voldemort was after them. They were concealed by a complicated charm, but the betrayal came from within.  
That was the night that ruined all of Remus’s life. Sirius, the only one who could betray the whereabouts of Lily and James, did so, and openly turned to the Dark side. Voldemort moved in to kill all three Potters, but when he turned to little Harry after murdering his parents, the spell somehow backfired and he lost all his powers in one night. With his master ruined the night he openly claimed loyalty for him, Sirius had to flee.  
But he did not get far. Only a couple of days later he was tracked down by Peter. But before Peter could do anything, Sirius had blasted him apart and was then tracked down by Ministry wizards and brought to Azkaban, without a trial.

And that was where Remus stood right now, in front of the pieces of his old, happy life. James and Lily were dead, and so was Peter, all of them murdered by Sirius, their fellow Marauder, who had turned Dark and was in Azkaban, probably for the rest of his life. Remus knew he would never love any other man as much as he had loved Sirius Black, nor would he ever again have such great friends as those now dead.

~*~

The following weeks were a cause for celebration for almost every witch and wizard, except for Remus Lupin. Only rarely did he leave his apartment, and he brooded over the questions that had haunted him since the night of the Potters’ death.  
How could the man he had loved for so many years, the man he thought he knew better than anyone else, have turned to the Dark side right in front of his very eyes? Why didn’t he notice? Could he have prevented the death of his friends? And, what was more, if Sirius was such a good actor, had he ever truly loved Remus, or only used him for his sick cause?

For the next twelve years, Remus completely lost his grip. He couldn’t get any job, because he was a werewolf. Caught in poverty and the grief that still held him in its grip, the temptation to go savage and join the other werewolves, who had abandoned life among wizards and witches, grew stronger and stronger.

But then, in the midst of all his despair, word reached his ears that Sirius had broken free of Azkaban. And next to the flame of the old love roared a flame of fury that wanted revenge for all the lost years, all the pain he had suffered.  
And the ideal opportunity came up almost immediately. A request from Dumbledore, who was still headmaster of Hogwarts, reached Remus.  
Would he like to come back to Hogwarts and teach as Professor for Defence Against the Dark Arts? He would be able to profit from a recent discovery, the Wolfsbane Potion, that would make his transformations less painful and less dangerous. The staff would be filled in, but no student would know his true identity.

Remus accepted this chance for an almost normal life, and he never had made a better choice. Although it hurt to be back at Hogwarts, where he had been happy so many years before, he felt it was the right place to be.  
It became obvious that Sirius wanted to hunt down Harry Potter, who had conquered his master Lord Voldemort. The boy was currently in his third year at Hogwarts. And so Remus made it his duty to protect and defend him, because he felt he at least should make sure that he saved the life of the son of one of his best friends, after he had failed to save that best friend's life. And by making sure Sirius didn’t get his final prey, he would pay him back for what he had done.  
And besides, the presence of Harry was oddly comforting for him. He knew that the boy had suffered as he had. Losing one’s parents at the age of one, and growing up under such horrible circumstances as Harry had with his Muggle relatives, had surely left a mark upon him. And Harry looked so much like James and had so many things in common with his father that Remus felt almost as though one of his friends had returned.

Harry Potter was extraordinary, in more ways even than James Potter had been. His early childhood trauma made him vulnerable to the Dementors guarding Hogwarts against Sirius. He fainted when meeting them on the train, and then again later during his first Quidditch match, when the Dementors made an appearance. Harry begged Remus to teach him how to fight the creatures, having seen him use the Patronus charm on the train. He did not want to loose another Quidditch match because of them. And Remus agreed, feeling it would not only help the Gryffindor Quidditch team, but also prepare Harry for possible future scenarios. What better way to protect him than to teach him how to defend himself against the Darkest creatures? The boy had a talent at Defence Against the Dark Arts that rivalled that of James and mastered the Patronus charm much sooner than could be expected of an ordinary third year.

But Hogwarts held some unpleasant surprises for him, too. Hired as Potions master was none other than Severus Snape. Dumbledore told Remus that Severus, who had joined Voldemort’s followers, had turned back to their side, even before Voldemort’s downfall. At first Remus did not believe it. But as the year passed on, he found Severus was making him a perfect potion each month, keeping him healthy and relatively untroubled, though his dislike was obvious. As obvious as his dislike towards Harry.

One afternoon Remus caught Harry in trouble with Severus, who accused him of having sneaked out of school illegally and had taken a bit of old parchment from him – a bit of old parchment which Remus recognised immediately. As he stared down at the Marauder’s Map, emotions raged through his tormented body. But the most important thing was to get Harry out of trouble, so he made up an excuse to Severus and took Harry along with him. The boy was playing with his life, sneaking out of the castle when someone known to be after him was around! But still, how extraordinarily like James he was even in that. Remus, remembering his self-imposed task of protecting him, made it plain that he did not approve of Harry’s life-risking behaviour when James and Lily had given their lives to save him. He took the Marauder’s Map from Harry

~*~

And then, one evening as Remus sat in his office, studying the Map, he made a startling discovery. The Map showed Peter Pettigrew in the company of Harry and his two best friends Ron Weasley and Hermione Granger. How could that be? The Map never lied, Remus knew that. But Peter was dead, he also knew that. He watched and saw Harry, Ron and Hermione, Peter and Sirius, who seemed to drag Peter and Ron, disappear towards what he knew to be the Shrieking Shack. He decided to investigate.

He was not prepared for what he found at the end of the tunnel. Sirius was lying on the floor, having just been attacked by Harry. Ron and Hermione were crouched in one corner. No sign of Peter.  
At the sight of Sirius, emotions rose in Remus’s chest. Sirius’s once handsome features were destroyed, his eyes sunken, his skin waxy, his hair long and unkempt. What had Azkaban done to him? But before pity could overwhelm him, Remus remembered what Sirius had done. But yet, the Map had shown Peter, who was supposed to have been murdered by Sirius, and the Map never lied. And Sirius knew Peter lived.  
“Where is he, Sirius?”  
Sirius slowly raised his arm, pointing at Ron in the corner. And then Remus saw him, sitting there in his rat form, in the very room where he had first seen him like that, and realisation began to sink in. He turned back to Sirius.  
“But then… why hasn’t he shown himself before now? Unless… unless he was the one… unless you switched… without telling me?”  
Sirius nodded silently. The flame of love roared higher than ever in Remus’s chest as the flame of fury died. He pulled Sirius to his feet and into a tight embrace.  
So Sirius hadn’t betrayed James and Lily after all, and he hadn’t killed Peter, and he had always loved Remus. James had been more than right in trusting him. But James had been wrong in trusting Peter. Peter, who had betrayed the Potters’, who had turned over to the Dark side, who had faked his own death and with that landed Sirius in Azkaban to save his own stinking skin.

But before they could round on Peter, they had to explain the situation to Harry and his friends. Remus managed to get them to listen, but in the middle of the flow of his story, Severus revealed himself from under James’s old Invisibility Cloak that Harry had left lying at the Whomping Willow. Before he could do any harm, though, he was defeated by Harry, Ron and Hermione, all three of whom seemed eager to listen to Remus’s story until the end. And although Remus did not like it, he left Snape lying unconscious on the bed: it was of the utmost urgency that Harry understood. And to Remus's relief he did seem to do so.  
Finally he and Sirius could move in to kill Peter, who had caused all the trouble, all the pain, all the death and all the separation. But Harry prevented it; he stepped in between Sirius, Remus and Peter and begged them not to kill.  
“I’m doing it because I don’t reckon my dad would’ve wanted his best friends to become killers – just for you!” he spat at Peter.  
Remus had to suppress a grin. How very much like James Harry was. He exchanged a look with Sirius and they lowered their wands.

After binding Peter, they made their way out of the Shrieking Shack. Once out in the grounds they started walking over to the castle where Peter would be handed over and Sirius’s name would be cleared. Remus’s heart did a kind of drum roll inside his chest. He would be together with Sirius again and they would have all the time in the world to make up for twelve years of agony. Sirius could legally take up his custody of Harry, as James and Lily had intended.  
Then a cloud shifted to reveal the moon and Remus knew in an instant that he was about to ruin it all. He felt his wolfish character struggle to break through. He fought against it, but it was too late. He had not taken his potion that night. And as Sirius jumped in front of the children he knew that Peter would escape, that Sirius would have to flee again, because no one would believe their story.  
The werewolf had won. Sirius had transformed into the dog and was dragging him towards the forest, away from Harry and his friends.

Remus stayed in the forest all night and only returned to his office at dawn. Shortly after he came back, there was a knock on the door, and Dumbledore entered with a serious expression on his face.  
He told Remus that Sirius and Harry had almost been kissed by Dementors, but that luckily Harry had managed to conjure a Patronus large and bright enough to chase away a hundred Dementors. Remus felt his chest swell with pride: he had taught Harry how to conjure a Patronus, and now Harry had saved himself and Sirius with it. He truly had saved Sirius, Dumbledore then told him. Sirius had been brought to the castle to officially get the kiss performed after the Dementors had retreated from the lake. But Harry had rescued him and he was now fleeing on the back of the Hippogriff Buckbeak, one of Hagrid's creatures, who had also been sentenced to death and been saved by Harry and his friends.  
Remus felt the happiness of the last night return. So Sirius was alive and safe! But before he could savour it, Dumbledore looked at him sternly and told him that he now knew about Sirius, James and Peter having become Animagi. Sirius had told him the night before. And although Remus knew that Dumbledore was not nearly as angry as he should be, he felt bad about it, because he had betrayed the trust of the one headmaster who had made his life at Hogwarts possible in the first place.

He remained in his office staring out at the window until midday when Dumbledore came back to tell him that Severus had let slip his being a werewolf at breakfast. That was all Remus needed. He knew he should feel sorry, but he couldn’t stop the swelling happiness inside him. He would resign now and then be able to follow Sirius, see him again, be alone with him again, finally get the comfort he had so longed for over the past twelve years.

And so he left Hogwarts again in high spirits to follow the one he loved above all others. The only thing that made him feel a bit sad was parting from Harry. He could tell that the boy liked him, and he felt the same, knowing that he wasn’t alone in that either after Sirius and Harry had finally met the night before. So he did all he could, gave Harry back the Marauder’s Map, since he was the only son of a Marauder and therefore it was his by right, and told him that James would have been proud of his disobedient son.

~*~

When he came home there was a letter from Sirius waiting for him.

_Dear Moony!  
I’m sorry that we did not have enough time to talk last night. There’s a lot I’d like to know, I need to know, and I guess you’re feeling the same.  
I think I’m right in guessing that you cannot keep your job at Hogwarts after what happened last night. I would feel sorry for you, if that didn’t mean that you’re able to come with me.  
I’m not saying where I’m going right now, in case this owl goes astray, but I trust you’ll find me. I’m looking forward to spending some time with you again.  
Hoping to see you soon,  
In love,  
Padfoot_

The letter made him even happier and when he replied that he’d be leaving the same day, he had tears of joy in his eyes for the first time in his life.

Remus found Sirius somewhere in the south, and moved in with him into the magical tent Sirius had set up for himself. He was happier than he had ever dared to hope he would be, with the love of his life finally at his side again. But still, the memory of the last years could not be forgotten, and sometimes Remus saw a veil come down behind Sirius’s eyes, a veil that had been created in Azkaban. They had both come to know loneliness in its hardest and most brutal form.  
But at least they could recover now, and Remus was relieved to see that some of Sirius’s good-looking features came through once again.

They had unlimited time together here underneath the hot sun, and they talked a lot about what had happened during the last twelve years.  
“When I was in Azkaban, all that kept me sane was the thought, the knowledge, that I was innocent,” Sirius said one night as they were lying together in the tent.  
“But you knew you had my love.”  
“I hoped to have it again when I could be free and prove that I’m innocent. The Dementors don’t leave a single happy thought in you; all that was in my mind was how I had disappointed you. I was sure that I’d lost your love.”  
“I thought so, too. I wondered, if you’re such a good actor, if you’d ever truly loved me at all.”  
“Of course I did, and I still do! You’re the love of my life, Moony. No Azkaban can change that, even if I couldn’t remember how happy we used to be.”  
And with that he pulled Remus closer to him and kissed him. His kisses were as fierce as before, though Remus could feel that his body had suffered. But he thought that his own body must feel the same. After all, they were not getting any younger.

Later that summer they were lying underneath the palm trees in the sand, listening to the waves lapping against the shore and enjoying the coolness of the night after what had been another hot day.  
“Why is Dumbledore letting old Snivellus teach at Hogwarts? Doesn’t he see that he’s bad down to the very bottom of his soul?”  
“Dumbledore trusts him, Padfoot.”  
“And you, Moony? What about you? Do you trust him, too? Do you trust him even though you know what he was capable of doing when he was still at school? All the Dark magic he liked even then? Or did you try to bring Dumbledore to his senses?”  
“I had my doubts at first, but if Dumbledore trusts him, we should, too. Trusting Severus means trusting Dumbledore’s judgement. And who’re you, talking about what Severus was capable of when he was still at school? If it hadn’t been for James, Severus would be dead now.”  
“And if it hadn’t been for Snivellus, James would probably still be alive. He was a spy, Moony, working for Voldemort! And what’s all this about trusting Dumbledore’s judgement or not? I trust Dumbledore, and I know he’s the greatest wizard of our time, but he can be fooled. We fooled him when we were schoolboys, Moony! Do you think that a really clever Dark wizard couldn’t fool Dumbledore? And after all, Snivellus is clever, whatever else he may be.”  
“A schoolboy joke is not the same as allowing a potential spy of Voldemort to come into Hogwarts. I don’t think Dumbledore would have entrusted Severus with the things he has if he had the slightest suspicion that Severus was still working for Voldemort.”  
“A schoolboy joke? What are you talking about, Moony? You know perfectly well that you’re dangerous when you’re transformed. We let you out of the Shrieking Shack in that state! You could’ve bitten half the school if you’d given us the slip.”  
“I know, Padfoot, and I’m still ashamed of betraying Dumbledore’s trust. But still, I think there’s a difference between that and the case of Severus.”  
“See, you’re still ashamed of betraying Dumbledore’s trust. But you never told him, because of us, because of what we were facing if someone found out about us being unregistered Animagi. So do you honestly think that Snivellus would care? A clever spy of Voldemort would never feel the slightest regret, and of course he wouldn’t betray his master for the sake of Albus Dumbledore, no matter how good Dumbledore is to him. And what made Dumbledore trust him anyway?”  
“I don’t know, but there are things Dumbledore doesn’t share with everyone, and for good reason. So I think we should just stop debating this, it won’t make any difference anyway. And we’ve already agreed long ago that Severus is not worth fighting about.”  
“You’re right, Moony. I just think that I’ll never trust him, nor like him.”  
“I can understand that, but just accept that he’s working alongside us now. He made me the Wolfsbane Potion, and he made it perfectly; he kept me healthy for a whole year.”  
“I know, and I appreciate that. But I still don’t trust him. He probably didn’t dare hurt you under Dumbledore’s nose. It would’ve been too obvious.”  
“Yeah, but anyway, let’s just agree that he’ll always be a point for disagreement between us.”  
“I suppose he will. We’ll see who’s right in the end.”  
“I hope we will.”  
“Of course, Moony! We’ll stick together now. No more believing the other turned Dark.”  
“No more believing the other turned Dark, right. And now let’s use the time we have.”  
Sirius grinned at him, his features closer to their former handsome look than they had ever been since he had left Azkaban. Then they kissed.

They could’ve spend the rest of their time like that, but after less than four months the signs all showed that something Dark was happening in Britain, at Hogwarts, and they decided to fly north. Back home their ways parted again.  
“Moony, you have to understand that I want to be as close to Hogwarts as I can. I’m Harry’s godfather and I want to be around in case anything happens.”  
Remus had to smile at Sirius’s fatherly feelings. He knew that he cared a lot about Harry, probably even more than he, Remus, did. And Remus accepted it, even if it meant that they had to part again.  
“But where do you want to stay?”  
“Dumbledore told me about a cave in the mountains around Hogsmeade. I guess I’ll stay there in my dog form. But we cannot stay there together, that’d attract too much attention.”  
“I understand, Padfoot. Just take care of Harry. And promise me that you’ll stay out of trouble if you can.”  
“Moony, you know me.”  
“Yeah, I suppose. I just don’t want to lose you again.”  
“You won’t, I promise.”  
“Okay then, you know where to find me if you need me.”  
And with that he kissed Sirius and left.

Remus stayed in his apartment for almost a year, watching what was happening at Hogwarts. Then what he had feared happened at last.  
At the end of June Sirius appeared on his doorstep with terrible news: Voldemort had managed to get back into a body and with that was very close to taking over and seizing power again. Harry had witnessed it and only narrowly avoided being killed.  
And what was more, the Ministry refused to believe Voldemort was back, which made things a lot easier for him.  
For a couple of days Sirius stayed at Remus’s place, on Dumbledore’s orders.  
“I knew it would happen. I just knew it. Something was going on there.”  
“It’s okay, Padfoot. Thanks to Harry we know about it and Dumbledore was able to act immediately.”  
“I know. Harry’s brave, isn’t he? He’s a lot like James.”  
“Yeah, I feel it, too.”  
“It’s so good to be around him, it’s almost like having James back again. I won’t let anyone harm a Potter this time. I’ll be on the watch, I’ll be at his side!”  
“We all will, Padfoot. We’re much better prepared this time.”  
“Yeah, you’re right, Moony. Voldemort should have a harder job getting to power this time.”  
“He will. And I’ll never let myself be torn away from those I love again.”  
“Nor will I. I love you, and we’ll stick together this time and pay him back for what he’s done.”

Dumbledore had recalled the Order of the Phoenix, and Sirius offered his family’s old house in London, which he had officially inherited after his brother's death, as headquarters since it was ideal for that with all its magical protection. That meant Remus and Sirius had to move in there. And since nobody had lived there for about ten years except an old house-elf there was a lot of cleaning to be done. It proved rather hard work: some really nasty things had settled in.  
What was more, Remus could feel Sirius’s mood continually sinking. The Ministry was still after him, and because Voldemort now knew about him being an Animagus, thanks to Peter, his disguise was useless. So Sirius was trapped in the house he had thought he had left forever. Remus tried to cheer him up, but he had work to do for the Order and was often absent.

Shortly after they had moved in, all the Weasleys and Hermione Granger came to stay, too. And about a month later, Harry arrived. This seemed to cheer Sirius up, but after they all had returned to school he was left quite alone again in the house he so hated.  
Remus began to worry, and talked to Dumbledore about Sirius, but Dumbledore insisted that Sirius remained inside. So he could do no more than trust Dumbledore’s judgement, though Sirius’s mood constantly fell and he even started shutting Remus out.  
Then, at Christmas, Harry, Hermione and all Weasleys returned and it gave Remus a lift to see how Sirius’s mood was suddenly better than it had been since he came back to this house in the summer. But as soon as they all left again, Sirius’s depression returned.

It went on like that for another six months. Then one evening, as some of the Order were meeting at headquarters, word reached them that Harry had been lured into the Ministry of Magic where Voldemort’s Death Eaters were waiting for him. They all left at once for the Ministry, including Sirius, who turned a deaf ear to the protests of some of his fellow Order members.

…

And that was where Remus stood right now, in the Ministry of Magic, where Sirius had just been defeated by his Death Eater cousin Bellatrix Lestrange and had fallen backwards through the veil on the basin in the Room of Death.  
Remus knew that, this time, there were endless years of despair stretching ahead of him, with no hope that somehow, miraculously, Sirius would come back. He had just lost the love of his life forever. He would never love another man as much as he had loved Sirius Black.

He turned and found Nymphadora Tonks, one of Sirius’s more decent relatives, staring at him. Tears were streaming down her face and Remus found himself walking over to her, half because he thought of giving comfort to her, half because he was hoping to receive comfort from her. As he held her, a thought crossed his numb mind: there was still one other decent Black family member left in his life. And wherever Sirius was right now, he would not need Remus’s love any more.


End file.
